Thursday, July 21, 2005
Not again
I came back from lunch feeling great. I’d been to a yoga class. Losing weight, starting yoga again. I’m going to feel better, things are getting better. Lost in my own little bubble of self-improvement.
I logged onto my web-mail portal and saw the news-feed – more ‘incidents’, three tube stations evacuated.
Stomach lurching. Pounding heart. No self-protective shield of initial disbelief this time. Immediate horror and fear. Glued to the computer screen. Frantic unsuccessful clicking on an internet radio station. Within half an hour or so the reports start to say that no one’s hurt, that these appear be dummy explosions, only detonators, only bangs – a sick joke, a plot to frighten, or bombs that didn’t work? If I’m more scared this time, what about all the people hearing bangs, smelling burning, evacuated from the tube?
I feel sick and drained. Start to wonder how it feels to be in a war, to experience this over and over again – becoming inured in a way, but also holding fear and exhaustion in the bones. ¶ 3:20 pm
I logged onto my web-mail portal and saw the news-feed – more ‘incidents’, three tube stations evacuated.
Stomach lurching. Pounding heart. No self-protective shield of initial disbelief this time. Immediate horror and fear. Glued to the computer screen. Frantic unsuccessful clicking on an internet radio station. Within half an hour or so the reports start to say that no one’s hurt, that these appear be dummy explosions, only detonators, only bangs – a sick joke, a plot to frighten, or bombs that didn’t work? If I’m more scared this time, what about all the people hearing bangs, smelling burning, evacuated from the tube?
I feel sick and drained. Start to wonder how it feels to be in a war, to experience this over and over again – becoming inured in a way, but also holding fear and exhaustion in the bones. ¶ 3:20 pm
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Jean, read that letter I've just posted. More than meets the eye behind the scenes. Maybe more worrying than what's already worrying. On the other hand, we just have to carry on living day to day.
Yoga helps.
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Yoga helps.
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